Gay Birds Give Me a Reason To Live

Homosexual geese fill me with gay pride

Being gay has been a constant struggle. Everyday I live with the societally imposed feeling that who I am is wrong. I even find myself doubting the validity of who I fundamentally am. I grapple with the feeling that what I am is unnatural and that the way I’m living will inevitably leave me feeling unfulfilled. But in these moments, the one thing that always makes me feel better is thinking about gay birds.

To take a step back, recently I found this really interesting article that talked about queer animals out in the wild, and the one thing from that piece that really stuck with me was how freaking awesome gay birds sounded. So, naturally, I needed to learn more about them.

And in my research, I found a fascinating article on livescience.com that went in depth into bird homosexuality. It turns out that nearly 1 in 5 long-term Graylag Geese couples are two gay dudes, and at least 130 other bird species occasionally engage in fella on fella fucking. Apparently, it’s common for these gay couples to be very important in their respective bird communities, providing assistance in defending their territory, advancing the social status of their fellow birds, and even helping with childcare.

And this, to me, is super cool. The way gay uncles, or guncles if you’re nasty, are so vital to the bird community is awesome and surprisingly validating.

Since coming out, I have had a lot of struggles with understanding the value I bring to the world, and I’ve even doubted everything about about myself that I’ve come to find is undeniably true. It just feels like everything around me is telling me I’m wrong.

In the heteronormative world we live in, the “traditional” way of living is promoted as the “right” way of living. You’re supposed to settle down, find a person, buy a house, and fill it with children you made from scratch. And aside from a hyper capitalistic pursuit of outrageous amounts of wealth, that’s basically the entire American dream.

And once I came out, this officially became a dream I couldn’t have.

Because of who I am, I will never find that special lady. Because of who I am, we will never find that special house and fill it with our own, homemade children. Who I am as a person will simply never allow for that. I can’t find that special lady and I can’t make my own kids. That’s just not who I am.

And as an aside, I’ve never even wanted kids. Honestly, I’ve often found children to be incredibly irksome. And by irksome, I mean that they’re crawling shit factories that drain your money and free time, and they spread diseases like it’s going out of style. And having my world revolve around the next atomic dump of some baby is just not a lifestyle that’s ever really appealed to me.

But with that being said, it had been on my mind as something that was simply destined to be a part of my journey through life. And there is something nice to the thought of having a mini-me running around, and me getting to show that fragile idiot the ways of the world while fighting the urge to pressure that kid into liking basketball as much as me.

But it’s now clear to me this will not be a part of my journey. And it’s weird because now, even though I never really wanted to go down this parenting path, whether it be societal pressures or even just FOMO, otherwise known as the fear of missing out, there’s this inescapable feeling that the way I’m living and the path I’m going down is just wrong.

And this feeling sends me down this rabbit hole of questioning who I fundamentally am. I doubt myself all the time. Because if the way I’m living is wrong, maybe I’m wrong about what I think I’m supposed to be. I mean, I thought I was just another generic, straight guy for over 24 years, so who’s to say this isn’t just me fixating on some intrusive thoughts? Sometimes the only thing I feel certain about is that I’m not certain about anything.

Photo by Jiroe (Matia Rengel) on Unsplash

But in a few of these moments, I’ve thought about all those gay birds, and I’ve thought about how important they are to their communities. I’ve thought about the tangible value they provide that makes the lives of all those around them better. And thinking about this filled me with gay pride and gave me a renewed sense of purpose.

It reminds me that this is all just nature, and I’m a natural part of the world we live in. And there is a purpose for me to be here. Freed from the pressures of having to propagate my genes, I don’t need to worry about having kids, which means I won’t have to spend all my time and money figuring out how to not ruin a partial clone of myself.

And with this freedom comes an increased capacity to help others and further my own career. I can become the coolest guncle to whatever kids my family may have. I can focus on my writing and building up my own personal brand and business. And if ever choose to, I will always have the freedom to adopt one of those crawling shit factories who, otherwise, may have never found a home.

And in those moments where I’m doubting myself and my value the most, it’s those gay birds that fill me with that optimism. It’s knowing that I am a natural part of this world that reminds me of all the good things I know I can be.

So, thank you, gay birds, for giving me purpose. Thank you for unknowingly showing me that I am who I’m supposed to be. Thank you for reminding me of the value I can bring. And above all else, thank you for reminding me to be happy about who I am.

So, if you ever feel like me and you question whether you’re living the right way, just know that being yourself is the only natural way to live. Because, just like those gay birds, you too are an invaluable part of the community.

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