• Waiter

    Watch Out for the Swindling Waiter

    Some of them will squeeze money out of you I have immense respect for people in the service industry. Waiters are hard-working people and greatly underappreciated. Think of all the worst people you’ve met in your life, now think about the fact that waiters have to answer their every beck and call. Then those assholes probably don’t even tip. But one time, I found a waiter that would be impervious to all of that. And that’s because that slick motherfucker could talk you into anything. I was in Louisiana on a work assignment, and I was looking for a good meal. I didn’t have much to look forward to on those…

  • Fired

    My Foolproof Guide to Getting Yourself Fired

    Trust me, this 3-step method is tried and true I got fired, and I should’ve seen it coming. I followed the plan to get canned to a T. To give you a little background, I’ve been working as an engineer for about 2 years now. Unfortunately for me, this has not been a pleasant experience. I was unhappy with my job as an engineer for almost the entire time I was one. And in hindsight, I probably should’ve known I wouldn’t like being a mechanical engineer in the first place. I don’t want to work in a machine shop, a factory, and certainly not in a dirty field. And honestly, I…

  • Cyber Security

    An A-List Bro Taught Me About Cyber Security

    Sometimes, my job is simply delightful Today at work, I watched a frat bro tell me about phishing. And in that moment, it felt like my life peaked. Normally, as you would imagine, my job is not the highlight of my day. But, if nothing else, my job is really fucking easy. The amount of downtime I have most weeks is simply incredible. We’re talking on the order of 15 to 20-ish hours where I do basically whatever the fuck I want. And I’m able to get so much done in that time. I’m guessing do about a quarter of my writing while I’m just chilling at my desk. Given…

  • Hoffman Chronicles

    Don’t You Leave Me!

    The Hoffman Chronicles: Episode 2 Why do my humans always leave me? I love them more than life itself. When we’re together it’s endless snuggles and cuddles and occasional table scraps. My life, nay, OUR life, is impeccable. I know we’re all one big, happy family. Yet they constantly leave me. They always come back, but I just wish that I didn’t have to worry about them coming back in the first place. The world is such a big, scary place that’s full of big, scary noises that are inevitably going to kill us all. The noises, my god, those fucking noises. I used to be more comfortable with them leaving,…

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